Mourning Morning, on Occasion

by Ahd

Some days, you wake up and you’re flooded with pain. You relive painful moments, painful losses. You feel stuck in a hurtful and muddled reality. What are you to do with these bleeding puzzle pieces? How do you sort through the pain? How do you fix it? Do you pick the puzzle pieces up – feeling their throbbing hearts, each crying for a different reason – and attempt to put them together again? Or do you leave them there, on the ground, shattered and bloodstained? Do you choose to walk away? Or do you choose to sit beside them? To plop yourself on the ground, tears streaming down your face, and merely sit beside the pieces of your life and relationships that are aching.

Maybe the solution isn’t in your hands. Maybe it won’t get better. Maybe it’s not worth your energy this time. And maybe all of that is okay. Maybe it’s okay to decide to simply sit with our wounds, instead of striving to resolve them. Instead of trying to change the way the outside world is. Maybe if I sit for long enough, I can find compassion for myself and for the one who hurt me. Maybe if I sit for even longer, I can find forgiveness. Maybe I can sit my way into silence. Into surrender. Into peace.

Perhaps, then, there is nothing to be done at all. Though you may feel alone on days like this, know the universe is gently holding you up. Mirror her, and be gentle with yourself. Hold yourself as you sit. Have faith in the moments and feelings that will come next. Have patience with your pain. Hold space for multiple narratives and perspectives. Don’t assume. And don’t dwell. Focus only on love. On the softness and the power of love. Give love to yourself. To your body. To other beings. To the earth that holds us all.

If we were to leave this world tomorrow, what would we have done differently today?